BOB AND BOB

Bob 1: I sure am scared right now.

Bob 2: You should probably stop thinking about the unknown then, Bob.

Bob 1: It's not that. There's a monster over there.

Bob 2: Oh, him. He is a bit frightening, isn't he? Should we ask him to leave?

Bob 1: I'm afraid that might hurt his feelings.

Bob 2: That's true. But are you sure monsters don't enjoy having their feelings hurt?

Bob 1: Quite sure. Marty let me borrow his book on monster behaviors and culture in the modern day.

Bob 2: What was Marty doing with a book like that? I thought he wasn't interested in animal behavior.

Bob 1: He isn't, but monsters are a different story altogether.

Bob 2: You don't consider monsters to be animals?

Bob 1: Not really.

Bob 2: And what about humans, Bob? Are they animals? Or do you think we're better than animals?

Bob 1: Look, Bob. I wasn't thinking hierarchically when I said that. You know how much respect I have for all living things.

Bob 2: I know. I'm sorry for lashing out at you. It must have been especially difficult for you deal with, considering the vulnerable state you're in.

Bob 1: How do you know I'm feeling vulnerable?

Bob 2: You told me you're afraid of the monster.

Bob 1: Oh yeah. I suppose we could get him to leave by asking him to run an errand for us.

Bob 2: Do monsters enjoy running errands?

Bob 1: Certain errands, yes. They strongly prefer those that are mushroom-based. Do you need any mushrooms?

Bob 2: I'm afraid not. Do you?

Bob 1: Not especially. But maybe I could cook us up some mushroom soup, then we could ask him for more. Would you like some soup?

Bob 2: I'm actually quite stuffed right now. I ate too much pumpkin pie earlier.

Bob 1: Really? I thought you hated pumpkins.

Bob 2: I did. But now I don't. It's a rather long story.

Bob 1: I'd love to hear it.

Bob 2: Alright. As you know, ever since the accident, I've hated pumpkins for what they did to me and my family. A few days ago, however, I sleepwalked out of my house again, and a large plastic jack-o-lantern saved my life.

Bob 1: Does that really count as a pumpkin, even though it's made of plastic?

Bob 2: It's pumpkin enough. People are often affected by representations of real things, aren't they?

Bob 1: That's for sure. Come to think of it, I believe the monster over there is actually a cardboard cutout that I purchased at a garage sale yesterday.

Bob 2: But isn't he eating all the rotten vegetables in your garden?

Bob 1: Oh, you're right.

Bob 2: Wouldn't it be ironic if there were some rotten pumpkins in your garden?

Bob 1: I'm not sure what you mean by that, but you're probably right.

Bob 2: Thanks.

Bob 1: Is it just me, or is the monster coming this way?

Bob 2: No, he's not.

Bob 1: I should be wearing my glasses.

Bob 2: You can say that again.

Bob 1: This might be a strange question, but doesn't the monster look a little like me?

Bob 2: He is you, Bob.

Bob 1: Does that mean you won't want to go fishing with me this weekend?

Bob 2: Yeah, you'd better find someone else.

Bob 1: No problem. I think Tom will be available.

Bob 2: That's good. Tom's a good guy. Have you seen his latest impression?

Bob 1: Yeah.

Bob 2: I didn't think it was as funny as his others.

Bob 1: It was almost as funny.

Bob 2: Yeah, almost.

The End...?