AN INTERVIEW WITH A GHOST

George the Interviewer: I hear that you’re a ghostwriter. So what’s it like to write a book and then get absolutely no credit for it?

Jeremy C. Shipp: Actually, I’m a writer who happens to be a ghost. I don’t do any ghostwriting.

GTI: Well then, I’ll have to change gears here. Why did you choose Jeremy C. Shipp for your pseudonym?

JCS: Jeremy C. Shipp is my real name.

GTI: Do you really expect anyone to believe that? It has to be something like Slimer, Casper, Captain Howdy. Which is it?

JCS: I’m really Jeremy.

GTI: Are you really so desperate to pass for human?

JCS: I am human. I’m just disembodied. Now can we please move on to some writing-related questions?

GTI: Fine. How do you find time to write when you’re so busy possessing little girls and making them throw up?

JCS: Listen, George. Most spirits coexist peacefully with the living, and respect the boundaries of others. I’d appreciate if you stopped with this line of questioning, because these stereotypes fuel the demonization of my people.

GTI: Speaking of demons, are you the devil or just one of his close friends?

JCS: That’s right. I’m the devil and I’m here to devour your soul.

GTI: I knew it!

JCS: I was being sarcastic.

GTI: Of course you were, Beelzebub. Sarcasm’s just another name for lying, after all.

JCS: This interview’s over.

GTI: Wait, I have one more question.

JCS: Alright, but it better be good.

GTI: It is.

JCS: Go ahead then.

GTI: Do you poop ectoplasm?

JCS: I’m going home.

GTI: Before you go, I’d like to apologize. I know some of my questions were slightly less than professional. To make it up to you, how about I cook you a nice dinner?

JCS: I don’t eat, but—

GTI: Great. I’ll get started on the spaghetti, but first I need to make a quick phone call.

JCS: You know the Ghostbusters are fictional characters, right?

GTI: I wasn’t going to call the Ghostbusters.

JCS: Pac-Man isn’t real either.

GTI: Darn.