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Insane Grocery Bag: First of all, I'd be a stupid idiot if I didn't thank you
for agreeing to this interview. Thank you.
Jeremy C. Shipp: I appreciate the thoughtfulness, but I never agreed to anything. You drugged me and locked me up in this broom closet against my will. IGB: Oh yeah? Then why, pray teller, did you sign this consent form? JCS: That's a coconut with the words "Greedy Macadamia Nuts" written all over it. IGB: I rest my case. JCS: If I cooperate, will you let me go? IGB: Of course. Like I always say, if you love someone, you have to let him go, and if he doesn't come back to you, then you never really had him in the first place. I read that in a fortune cookie once, back when I was living inside a fortune cookie. JCS: OK. Can we get on with the questions? IGB: Right. The other day, a grape vine told me that you're a writer. Would you mind writing "Greedy Macadamia Nuts" all over my face? JCS: You don't even have a face. IGB: Then why, pray teller, did I buy this Halloween mask? JCS: It's pray tell. Not pray teller. IGB: If your goal was to hurt my feelings, you just won first prize. Here's your medal. JCS: That's just a tissue box with the words "Smarmy Hoof Cheese" written all over it. IGB: Moving on. What inspired you to start writing? JCS: Well, I— IGB: Wow, that's really interesting. Do you want me to shave your head? JCS: No. IGB: You didn't let me finish the question. I was going to say—do you want me to shave your head now or later? JCS: Never. IGB: My ears of corn must be playing tricks with me, because it sounded like you said, "Feathered Milk Cruise." JCS: Alright, I've had enough. I just realized these chains are made of spam. I'm going home. IGB: But Jeremy. You are home. That's the twist ending. JCS: Great. Well then, I'm moving back to my old house. IGB: I didn't see that one coming! With skills like that, you could be a writer. JCS: Thanks. |
  
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