A BIZARRO-FLAVORED Q
& A WITH JACK KETCHUM
Q:
What’s your ultimate kryptonite?
A: Redheads. Definitely redheads.
Q: Would you choose never to have nightmares again if it meant you had to
stop dreaming altogether?
A: Of course not. I like nightmares. You get
a thrill, you wake up just fine. What's not to like?
Q: If you could
force anyone to sing any song, who would you make sing what?
A: George W. Bush. I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, 600 times on the White House lawn, on
his birthday. Full coverage.
Q: Did the butler really do it?
A: With Miss Scarlet, in the kitchen, on a rope.
Q:
If a video game was created based on your life, what would your character collect
to obtain points? And who or what would you have to defeat at the end to win the
game?
A: Condoms. Mrs. Strawn in the third grade.
Q: What are
you most afraid of?
A: Republican Dynasties.
Q: What’s
your least favorite word?
A: Dude.
Q: What are three things
you hope to do before you die?
A: Have amazing, incredible, mind-blasting
sex again. Three times.
Q: If you could exchange one of your phobias
for another, which one would you choose?
A: I have no phobias. Only reality-based
fears. And plenty of them.
Q: What superpower do you want the most?
A: Empathy.
Q: If you had to be a giant monster like Godzilla, what kind would you be, and
what would you do with your time?
A: I'd be a giant tabbycat sleeping,
eating, messing around and generally doing what cats do, with two or three other
giant cats, and being cared for by a giant me. My littertbox would be the White
House or any right-wing neighborhood I cared to piss on.
Q: Why is it
that in almost every TV show there’s an episode about the characters finding
a baby and having to take care of the baby until the end where they have to give
up the baby?
A: TV hates babies, maybe?
Q: As an evil mastermind,
how would go about taking over the world?
A: I'd invent a giant cat.
See above.
Q: What sport would you like to see in the Olympics that isn’t there already?
A: Right-wing spaying and neutering.
Q: If you were a mad scientist, what would your first creation be?
A: How would I know? I'm a fucking mad scientist f'crhissake!
Q: And finally, what’s going on, writing-wise?
A: Right now I'm working on a screenplay which nobody will let me talk about...these movie people...so secretive! I've just finished a story to launch a graphic novel, which I'm also not supposed to talk about because there might be movie/computer stuff involved. These graphic novel/movie/computer people...
Here's what I can talk about....my new novella OLD FLAMES paired with RIGHT TO LIFE is out from Leisure as we speak, I've got a short book of memoirs titled BOOK OF SOULS coming soon from Bloodletting Press, the film of RED just went to Cannes, and if you read in Spanish or French there are translations of THE CROSSINGS and OFF SEASON out respectively. And BROKEN ON THE WHEEL OF SEX still lurks somewhere on the horizon....thanks!
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Q & A conducted by Jeremy C. Shipp
