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I, Nightblade, Jeremy's arch nemesis, have once again managed to
possess Jeremy's website—this time using a magic prairie dog and a pachinko
machine—so that I can show you this very important list.
Here are the top 12 reasons why no one should buy Jeremy's book, Vacation. 1. Vacation is a scratch and sniff book, and every page smells like leech vomit and popped Bigfoot blisters. 2. The only difference between Jeremy's book and a mound of used pig diapers is that the diapers are more biodegradable. 3. Jeremy doesn't know the difference between metaphors and mitochondria, which is why his characters are always talking about ATP. 4. The twist ending for Vacation is that Bruce Willis was a ghost all along. 5. In most dimensions, Jeremy's book is a giant two-headed rhinoceros named Glorback who travels through neighborhood after neighborhood, stomping on people's flower beds. 6. Jeremy always loses at scrabble. 7. Jeremy couldn't write himself out of a paper bag that traps people who can't write. 8. Jeremy eats nothing but spambled eggs for breakfast, and he uses a spork. 9. Jeremy smells like leech vomit and popped Bigfoot blisters. 10. There's no difference between Jeremy and a mound of used pig diapers. 11. Last year, Jeremy assassinated all the Care Bears. 12. Jeremy is very stupid and no one likes him. |
  
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