EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT BUTTERED TOAST

1. Four out of five dentists prefer buttered toast to revolution-motivated decapitations.

2. Those who underestimate the power of buttered toast do live to regret it…but only for a while.

3. Combining all of the buttered toast in the world would create enough electricity to travel to the center of the Earth on a magic train.

4. The more buttered toast changes, the more it stays the same.

5. There's only one alternate dimension where buttered toast doesn't exist. Ironically, this dimension is known as the Buttered Toast Dimension.

6. Scalping tickets for the Buttered Toast Jug Band is punishable by scalping.

7. Buttered toast is only slightly real.

8. The flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz are extremely allergic to buttered toast, but the negative effects can be nullified if they eat kumquats (sometimes called "the little gems of the citrus family") at the same time. The monkeys, in fact, hate the taste of buttered toast, so the existence of the allergy usually isn't a problem (except during the irregular famine or fad).

9. Everything that happens happens for a reason, except when buttered toast falls on a puppy.

10. Buttered toast isn't buttered at all.